ARE YOU HARMING
YOUR
CHILD?
|
A
|
s parents, we try to guarantee a healthy and happy life for
our children. Sometimes, however our best efforts can have the opposite out
come. Everyday parents do things that could have a harmful and long lasting
impact on their children. These difficulties, low self esteem and other characteristics that can stop them from
being successful adult. These mistakes sometime appear superficially okay to
parents without their knowing the harm, hence this topic. For the fact that our
children are the lights of our lives we all start envisioning nothing but
success love and happiness for them and by so doing over do them . However
these dreams often do no manifest because they are not getting the important
thing they need to become disciplined, matured and motivated adults. It’s
important to know that they are deferent types of parenting style in the
rearing of children. These are the authoritarian, authoritative, indulgent and
neglectful styles.
The authoritarian parent is what is called the strict
parent. They are slightly warm, highly controlling and domineering, and want
everything done their way. Children from such homes are very stubborn and rebel
against their parent at adulthood. The authoritative parents are warm but firm
to encourage to the independent while monitoring limits and control. Children
here exhibit calmness, modest and always open minded and above all happier. The
indulgent parent are very warm but under demanding in terms of monitoring limit
and control. They let children become spoiled brat. The neglectful parent are
not said to be warm and do not place demands on a child neither do they have
time for a chat with their children. These children are over exposed to the ears
of the society eg: sex, drug, truancy, touting etc.
In view of the above there are things done by the above
parent that can be harmful to the children which I want to talk about but
before that, it is important to know the group called children here are the
ages between 0-16 years whose utmost care is needed for the proper development
into adults.
Let us consider the following
mistakes:
Over protection: this is
normally seen in authoritative parents. When we protect our children from every
problems and emotions, it creates a sense entitlement and inflated self-esteem
that often make children to run to their parents at every slightest problem.
They expect life to be easier than it is or always go their way. They want
everything done for them no matter how they behave. They become depressed and
confused when they don’t get what they believe they deserve. for example, you see a matured married man coming back to
his mother or friend at any slightest quarrel with the wife, seeking for advice
from the mother or family member before deciding on how to relate with the
wife.
Meddling: there is a great
deference between asking, concerns and meddling, some may call it puke-nosing.
This inhibits the maturity of a child and he/ she will never learn to navigate
the sharper edge of relating with others except the parents are involved. A typical example is a mother always rushing
to the school when ever her child is in trouble to get him/ her off the hook.
Also, you see some delinquent behave so rascally believing their dad will come
to their rescue and unfortunately some do come.
Inconsistency: rules give
guidelines and boundaries to children and they mostly live up or down it
according to how consistence these are related to them. At their age, they get
easily confused. For example, in a family where a father corrects a child for
misbehaving, the mother saying any6thing contrary o the husband’s correction
leads a child to confusion of who loves and who hates. The affects a child and
would exhibit bad manner because of the conflicting information.
Alienation:
if you always but down your spouse in front of the kids, never show affection
and love to him or her in front of them, the children will never develop a
barometer of what love is all about or what it looks like. Some parents yell at
each other in front of their kids threaten divorce, in so doing; you
create a chronic state of anxiety for
your child. Some parents try to buy over their kids over their spouse with
gifts and telling a child how bad mum/ dad is at any slightest problem.” A man
that treats his wife like a princess shows he was brought up by a queen” and vis-vasal.
Minimizing: whenever a child is been
shouted down because he/ she asked a question, expressed sadness, anger or
fear. You are simply mocking the child or minimizing his or her feeling, you
are simply telling him/ her that he has no right to grow up. When a parent do this,
they with hold the love from their child hence missing the opportunities to
have opened an honorable connections of bounding and to know they are loved
unconditionally.
Pretence: most parents make their
children feel guilty for growing up and having normal developmental needs and
desires which often cause deep sense of in security and inferiority complex. A
mother was always yelling at her 8 years old daughter simply because her breast
is developing. I noticed the little girl no longer feel comfortable in her
presence and always cover’s her chest whenever she comes to answer mummy. When
I asked she told she told me she feels nausea on seeing her daughter because
she feels she is not telling her the truth of who touched her when she is not
around. This is an everyday story and happens in so many homes.
Preference: in trying to
be a parent, do not switch styles
over between the sex of a child. Parents tend to be authoritative to their
daughters and become an authoritarian to their sons. This brings discord in a
family and should be avoided. Also, we should remember that the parents are not
the only disciplinarian in a child’s world. It includes the teacher, coach, a
relative and other adult in the neighborhood .hence if any of these should
reprimand a child for a wrong doing, parents do not need to make an issue of it
or go fighting for the child since such was done in good faith it makes a child
to feel immune in a negative manner.
in summary we need a balanced parenting in children because they are our future and the factors of a stable society we all dream of; even though we can’t control what happens you can at least give them a good start in life.
