Posted By: Nichol Chukwuemeka
Most people nowadays have indeed become
very unhappy and miserable. With everything that is happening around the
world – natural calamities such as
earthquakes, hurricanes, tsunami, etc., terrorism, and economic crisis –
it would not be
a surprise if people just give up hoping for a
happy and bright future.
It is very easy to be unhappy when things do not go our way. We feel angry and irritable. However, we must not
dwell too long on these feelings, for these can lead to problems that are more serious.
Keep in mind the
prerequisites of happiness as discussed earlier. If any of these
prerequisites is missing, then it becomes
a cause for unhappiness. For example, how can
a sick person be happy when he is in pain? How can a mother and a
father be
happy when they do not have enough income to
provide for their children’s needs? How can one be happy when he does
not even
have a shelter over his head? There are many
causes of unhappiness and each of them must be addressed.
Besides having poor health and insufficient income, other causes of unhappiness include:
Burnout And Lack Of Productive Work
The keyword is “productive” for it gives a sense of fulfillment. The lack of it leads to a feeling of emptiness and lack of
purpose in life.
Getting physically and mentally active may help overcome unhappiness. Get involved with something worthwhile, something that
will give a sense of fulfillment or achievement.
The Fear Of Rejection
It hurts when people reject
us. It leaves a feeling of sadness and lowers our self-esteem. The “X”
mark represents rejection
and it can be manifested in different forms.
Some people express rejection by verbally saying that they do not like
the person
or his idea. Some express skepticism or
ridicule the person presenting new ideas. Others try to form their own
group and exclude
those they dislike.
Rejection is also expressed
non-verbally. Some adopt the closed and defensive stance and refuse to
listen to ideas by re-directing
the flow of conversation. The thumbs-down
sign is universally understood as rejection.
If this is the case, we
should try to associate with other people who will accept us for what we
are. Rejection should not
put an end to our efforts. We should take it
as a sign to do a re-examination and try another approach.
Living According To Other People’s Standards
This is a very
common cause of unhappiness. Those who are too conscious of what others
might say about them usually
cannot make their own decisions. They live
their lives according to other people’s will and expectations. It is
very difficult
to pursue happiness if all we do is please
other people instead of ourselves.
We should be
confident about ourselves. Cast fears aside. Just bear in mind that
whatever anyone says or does mean
nothing about our worth as human beings.
Robert Louis Stevenson has this to say, “Don't let your neighbor set
your standards.
Be yourself.” We feel joy when our self-worth
rests quietly within us, not on the lips of others.
The Fear Of Failure
Failure to achieve
important goals in life can lead to feelings of inadequacy and
frustration. We should set realistic and
doable goals in life. These goals should be
meaningful to us; otherwise, we will only derive little happiness from
achieving
it. Goals should be set for the major aspects
of our lives.
Start with a systematic plan to achieve goals. Begin implementing them and monitor the progress. As we see ourselves realizing our goals, we will find our happiness increasing.
If life is not
the way we like it, let it not be a reason for us to be unhappy. Edward
de Bono has this to say,
“Unhappiness is best defined as the
difference between our talents and expectations.” Too many expectations
can really cause
unhappiness; therefore, we should try to live
a simple life - with simple wants and simple needs. More importantly,
we must
try to rise above everything that pulls us
down and get on with our lives.
Sins And Crimes
Nobody is perfect.
All of us commit mistakes. Some people may have unknowingly committed
mistakes. However, a few
people consciously live their lives in sins
and immorality. These people have not fully realized the serious
consequences
of doing sins.
Sins and crimes are cause of
unhappiness. Crime does not pay. Criminals get caught and eventually,
justice catches up with
them. Violence begets violence. Truly, it is
difficult to find a bright future behind bars or six feet below the
ground. For
some who manage to get away with their
crimes, guilt will most likely haunt their conscience and can cause them
to feel miserable
for the rest of their lives.
Alcohol And Drugs
Some people think
that happiness can be attained through alcohol or drugs. Consequently,
they resort to these substances
thinking they can escape from the troubles
and worries of life. They are dead wrong! It is like escaping from small
fire to
hell.
Alcohol is a mood-altering
substance and is a depressant. In fact, some doctors prescribe moderate
amounts of alcohol as tranquilizer
or sedative. A drink or two can actually
improve health and help a person to relax. However, greater quantities
can be fatal.
Alcohol abuse ruins both the mind and the
body. Anyone who drinks too much is risking the hazards of accident
caused by loss
of coordination, high blood pressure, heart
disease, stroke, liver disease and related disorders.
On the other hand,
drugs play a role in destroying the mental health of the user. Today,
we witness many examples
of various forms of social disintegration and
chaos due to the worldwide surge of drug addiction. Many of the suicide
and
homicide cases are related to drug abuse.
Destructive Criticisms
These are useless acts and seldom accomplish any positive results. If we have to give feedback, we must make sure
it is constructive and useful. Criticism is one of the greatest causes of limitations in our lives.
We should learn to be
tolerant of the behavior of others even if it does not fit the pattern
of our opinions. Learn to savor
the differences between people. Imagine how
dull the world would be if we all thought, spoke, and acted the same
way!
If we are on the receiving
end of destructive criticisms, it is normal to feel upset but we should
evaluate the purpose or
motive of the person who expressed his
thoughts. If we are upset with people who do not have anything good to
say about us,
we might as well avoid them. Let us try to
associate with people that naturally please us. More importantly, always
keep in
mind that we cannot please everybody; hence,
we should not let destructive criticisms be a cause of worry and
sleepless nights.
Seventh key to happiness: Learn to avoid or overcome factors that contribute to unhappiness.
