Posted By: Nichol Chukwuemeka
Can we create our own happiness?
Yes because we are always in control. We are given free will to choose what we want in our lives. It is up to us if we want
to drive ourselves to true happiness or to misery!
It’s In Our Thoughts
In order to be happy, we
should concentrate on happy thoughts. Happy thoughts are special and
memorable moments in our lives.
These thoughts are available to us every
single day. All we have to do is to recall these blissful moments. For
example, we
recall the times when we were in love, when
we were overwhelmed with feelings of joy. It was during those moments
that we
were in love with life itself.
The problem with some people
is that they tend to remember the negative things longer than the
positive things that happened
in their lives. They usually remember the
compliments they received only for a few minutes and dwell on the
insults they received
for years! By so doing, they become garbage
collectors who carry trash thrown long time ago. As a result, they
suffer the
consequences since they allow their mind to
be occupied by bad experiences.
Remember, we are
in control of our own mind and heart. We can choose to make happiness
and joy the center of our
world. These are always within us. We can
always tap into moments of joy and absorb these into our present moment.
No one in his or
her right mind would choose to be unhappy. If we take full
responsibility for our emotional response
to all events in our life, there is nobody
else to blame if we are not happy! The choice is ours alone. Happiness
does not
depend solely on the things that come into
our life, but on how we react when those things happen.
Mildred Barthel states, "Happiness is a conscious choice, not an automatic response." We can always create and build our
lives around joy and happiness.
Never Set Conditions For Happiness
According to Arthur
Rubinstein, "Most people ask for happiness on condition. Happiness can
only be felt if you don't set any
condition." Before, I thought that if I
graduate from college and get a good job, I would be tremendously happy.
Later, I
discovered that a job alone does not
guarantee happiness.
Do you know someone who
constantly says, “If I find the right partner, I will be happy”? Advise
them to talk to newly married
couples and ask them if they are happy. One
of the possible things they may hear is this: “If we have a child, we
will feel
complete and happy.”
Ask those who already have
children if they are happy. They would say that unless their children
have grown up, finished their
studies, and can stand on their own, they
simply could not relax and feel happy. Ask those who have accomplished
their mission
as parents if they are happy. They long for
the days when they were younger!
Do you know of people who say any of the following phrases?
-
I will be happy when.....
-
I am unhappy because ......
-
If only I have .... then I will be happy
-
How can I be happy when ....
-
Happiness for me is when ….
Sadly, these people will
have difficulty in attaining true and lasting happiness for they place
conditions on their happiness.
They want guarantees for happiness but are
unwilling to act first. For this reason, they set conditions on their
happiness
that can be translated into this: “We are not
happy now and we won't be happy at least until our conditions are met.”
On the other hand, we also hear the following phrases from unhappy people:
-
You disappoint me!
-
You make me unhappy!
-
If it wasn't for him I'd be happy.
-
She is the source of my loneliness.
-
How can I be happy after what he did to me?
These people remain in
constant state of unhappiness because of a single reason: the tendency
to point the blame on others.
Unhappiness begins in the mind. We are in
charge of our mind and of what we think. If this is the case, how can we
blame others
for making us unhappy? We choose our thoughts
and feelings. We choose to be happy or not. In this case, we made the
wrong
choice.
Dislodge Negative Thoughts
Like cancer,
negative thinking can kill! It can kill and destroy our whole future.
Negative thoughts affect the
mind, body, and emotions. We have already
discussed the relationship between our thoughts and feelings in the
previous chapter.
Just to recap, our thoughts
produce our feelings. We get angry by having angry thoughts. It is
impossible to feel sad without
sad thoughts. Unhappiness does not and cannot
exist on its own. Unhappiness is the feeling that accompanies negative
thinking.
So how do we overcome
negative thoughts? Stop thinking about them! Our negative feelings are
results of our own negative thinking.
Apart from refraining to think about negative
thoughts, we can turn negative thoughts into positive ones.
One effective technique is
to learn a whole new set of happy words. These are words that evoke
positive feelings. Other studies
refer to these as “Positive Adjectives List”
from The Apache Method (The Antidotal Positive Adjectives Character and
Happiness
Enhancement Method)
According to this particular
study, which is based on Emmet Velton's classic paper, “There has been a
body of research empirically
validating our ability to positively or
negatively change our moods by reading phrases like “I feel very good”
or “I am afraid.”
So, how do we go about dislodging thoughts of unhappiness?
-
Be aware. We have to catch ourselves when we are about to indulge in negative thinking. In the first few days, we have to be very vigilant.
-
The moment we feel the onset of an unpleasant emotion, we have to identify it as precisely as possible. Is it hatred? Hurt? Fear? Anxiety? Discontent? This is a very critical component of the process as related to the next step.
-
Search for the exact opposite of the negative emotion. Think of its antonym. For example, the moment we catch ourselves feeling “lazy,” we would call to mind an opposite adjective like "energetic." We would then say to ourselves, "I feel energetic."
If we view ourselves as “pessimistic”, we say “I am hopeful.” If we feel we are “incompetent’, we say “I feel ingenious.”
What do we say if we see ourselves as “unmindful”? We say, “I am grateful.”
Can we use the same strategy
even if we do not feel any unpleasant feelings? Of course! We are
encouraged to think and say
to ourselves statements like "I feel
fabulous" to reinforce our mood, or statements like "I feel strong" or
"I feel friendly"
in order to enhance our character.
Other people have introduced
variations to the said technique. Others say it aloud in front of the
mirror every morning for
ten minutes for twenty-one days. Saying it
aloud increases its effectiveness as it represents emotional
involvement. This
is no different from expressing positive
affirmations and doing self-talk. Others find it more effective by
writing the statements
on paper, as they become more “physically”
involved.
Here are some of the happy words from the Apache Project. We just have to add "I feel" or "I am" to produce positive effects.
happy
grateful
determined
professional
sincere
focused
imaginative
successful
cheerful
inventive
tidy
open-minded
desirable
fair-minded
courageous
peaceful
stylish
cordial
appreciative
spontaneous
impartial
sensible
relaxed
loyal
alive
charming
good mannered
grounded
truthful
gorgeous
practical
industrious
mature
reasonable
powerful
fabulous
gracious
goodhearted
wise
philanthropic
consistent
dedicated
persuasive
amazing
calm
desirable
studious
confident
decisive
hopeful
big-hearted
genial
flexible
terrific
democratic
impressive
charitable
productive
good-natured
awesome
dependable
prompt
splendid
energetic
amicable
discerning
generous
fashionable
Sixth key to happiness: Happiness is mostly created, and rarely given.
